It was a long day today, and then I received some really hard news from a family member. I grabbed my coat, my beanie and my husband and headed for a walk.
“I need to ask you – do you think I am OK?”
Let you in on something I firmly believe. You cannot tell yourself if you are burning out. So I followed my own process I share with others. Find someone who knows you really well and ask them to feedback to you.
I explained to my husband that in the span of the last few month I had shouldered an inordinate amount of stress than I have ever been through before. Every accountability space I had activated has asked me the same question to check in – I had realised each time, I would say I was fine. I was wondering if I was really fine? This is what he said
“You’ve been sleeping through the night
You have been eating all your meals, and eating well
You still exercise
From what I see of your daily mood patterns you are laughing, and readily let go of anger and sadness
You are still talking about what you feel
You are still feeling positive about people
And not doing what you normally do when under avoidant stress”
We continued to talk, and then I realised this – I was regularly practicing my burnout prevention process, it had become so instinctual and habitual, it was just there. Circulating and restoring me. I couldn’t believe that I had expanded my resources.
We finished the walk by him asking me – RUOK?
I got home and made a plan for the rest of the evening. I would connect deeply in my own way with someone even more important to me.
I got in a tub, and watched the steam rise. And as it did, I prayed to God and released all my burdens, worries, fears and concerns for my loved ones. And then
In the meantime, grab yourself something that lets off steam – and let each troubling thought go with each billow (?) of steam. Resist the urge to blow the steam so that it gets faster (guilty), and just release those thoughts, pray if you are the praying kind. And smile